Haiku in honor of the Vice Presidential Debate!

In honor of the Joe Biden/Paul Ryan VP debate on Thursday, October 11, 2012, I composed this little ditty:

“Head to head debate;
Who’s better at funerals,
Biden or Ryan?”

Just having some fun with how our prior VP’s worked!

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Get your copy of Barack HAIKU Obama here:

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/274417

Get your copy of Bush Haikus here:

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/116129

Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Bush-Haikus-Simple-Presidency-ebook/dp/B00361ENXU/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1347374009&sr=1-1

Apple iTunes http://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/neil-glick/id492228468?mt=11

GOP 2012 CONVENTION SPECIAL HAIKU!

In honor of the delightful GOP Tampa 2012 Convention, which has so far proven to be dull and full of the same rhetoric and no substance whatsoever.  I’m glad that Ann Romney can speak. Her husband is still as warm and fuzzy as cardboard. I wish she had mentioned Kolob in her remarks.

In honor of the lack of excitement, here is a special haiku inspired by the magical words of Todd Akin, Congressman from Missouri.

Moronic words like

“Legitimate abortion”

Make you sound plain dumb.

Enjoy the GOP convention, or just go to bed early.

Nothing to see there!

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Get your copy of Bush Haikus here:

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/116129

Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Bush-Haikus-Simple-Presidency-ebook/dp/B00361ENXU/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1347374009&sr=1-1

Apple iTunes http://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/neil-glick/id492228468?mt=11

Get your copy of Palin Pearls here:

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/119753

Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/PALIN-PEARLS-Political-2008-2011-ebook/dp/B006UH87XO/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1347373984&sr=8-4&keywords=neil+glick

Apple iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/neil-glick/id492228468?mt=11

Harassing women does not make funny political comedy…

Limbaugh, sitll a big fat idiot

We all heard about Rush Limbaugh’s offensive comments. What he said is not political comedy. It is not a funny Republican joke. It is just pure thoughtless garbage.

Here is a haiku about Rush from I took many of these quotes by Bush jokes – I mean quotes – and other great funny political quotes, Republican jokes, and turned them into modern political comedy using the haiku format. Read them in my book here: BUSH HAIKUS: Simple Poems for a Simple Presidency.

Rush Limbaugh – big, fat…
not fat anymore, but still
a big idiot.

I like collecting funny political quotes, Bush jokes, Palin jokes, Republican jokes and general political comedy.  But comments denigrating a person because of their gender, race, religion, or ethnic heritage is not funny in my book.

BUSH HAIKUS: Political Comedy

George Bush gave America a lot, including a HUGE deficit and numerous useless deaths in Iraq. Bush also left us many funny political quotes and set a new standard for political comedy under the guise of Bush jokes and Republican jokes. As much as many wish Bush was a joke, it was a sad reality. Here’s a great way to remember the Presidency of George W. Bush and the politics of 2000-2008.

These are from the only book of it’s kind, BUSH HAIKUS: Simple Poems for a Simple Presidency.

Here are two of my favorites:

Clinton versus Bush;
differences are many
like – make love, not war

and

Laura Welch plus (+) car
equals (=) boyfriend homicide.
Yes, “it was crushing.”

On November 6, 1963, Laura Welch smashed into the car of her then boyfriend Mike Douglas, killing him, in Midland, Texas.  At a Providence, Rhode Island campaign stop on Thursday, March 2, 2000, when asked about this Laura Welch Bush said “All I can say about that…it was a very, very, tragic accident I was involved in when I was 17 years old, almost 40-something years ago.  It was a terrible accident. It was terrible for everyone involved.  I know this as an adult, and even more as a parent, it was crushing … for the family involved and for me as well.”  This gives Laura Bush the dubious distinction of being America’s only First Lady to have killed someone.

Many of the haikus were crafted using the funny political quotes of George W. Bush. He is not the only one skewered in the book. There are many other great Republican jokes and other forms of political comedy in the 5-7-5 syllable format!

Get your copy today. It’s a hoot.

Bush Haikus

PALIN PEARLS: Unintended Political Comedy

Sarah Palin, her mouth created more unnecessary Republican jokes, wonderful funny political quotes and unintended political comedy. A haiku not in the book, PALIN PEARLS: Political Haikus 2008-2011.

Many jokes of her –

Oh simple Sarah Palin,

Never fully served.

And so was born my book: PALIN PEARLS: Political Haikus 2008-2011. Filled with funny political quotes and mocking the political comedy of that era.

Funny Political Quotes by Vice President Dan Quayle!

Funny political quotes by Vice President Dan Quayle! – Remember when we thought he was a foolish VP? Sarah Palin Quotes  could have easily beaten him for that title. Quayle was the basis of many wonderful Republican jokes and political comedy in the 1980′s and 1990′s.

5. I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements in the Future.

4. What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.

3. One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’. December 6, 1989

2. I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made. August 17, 1989

1. We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world. September 9, 1988

Quayle gave us numerous funny political quotes, and added to America’s political comedy scene. The Republican jokes were great in the 1980′s and 1990′s but they really were great under Bush.  I’m glad the American people did not make the same choice to bring Sarah Palin into the VP’s office! You can read about Sarah Palin and her family’s foibles in my book  PALIN PEARLS: Political Haikus 2008-2011 and read her funny political quotes too!

Get your copy of Bush Haikus here:

At Smashwords:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/116129

On Amazon.com:

http://www.amazon.com/Bush-Haikus-Simple-Presidency-ebook/dp/B00361ENXU/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1347374009&sr=1-1

And you can get it on Apple iTunes

http://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/neil-glick/id492228468?mt=11

Get your copy of Palin Pearls here:

At Smashwords:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/119753

On Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/PALIN-PEARLS-Political-2008-2011-ebook/dp/B006UH87XO/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1347373984&sr=8-4&keywords=neil+glick

And you can get it on Apple iTunes

http://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/neil-glick/id492228468?mt=11

Funny Political Quotes by Sarah Palin

Palin Quotes or Jokes? Republican Jokes? Really here are some funny political quotes said by our dear Sarah Palin. Thank you Sarah, for creating a new level of political comedy.

Can you believe she said all this and more? If you don’t understand some of them, well, neither did Sarah Palin.

10. “He who warned, uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.” –Sarah Palin, on Paul Revere’s midnight ride, June 3, 2011

9. “I love that smell of the emissions!” — Washington, D.C. May 29, 2011

8. “But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.” — Glenn Beck’s radio show, Nov. 24, 2010

7. “How sad that Washington and the media will never understand; it’s about country. And though it’s honorable for countless others to leave their positions for a higher calling and without finishing a term, of course we know by now, for some reason a different standard applies for the decisions I make.” — July 4, 2009

6. “It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: ‘Sit down and shut up,’ but that’s the worthless, easy path; that’s a quitter’s way out.” — Announcing her resignation as governor, July 3, 2009

5. “Only dead fish go with the flow.” –The day she quit as Alaska Governor, July 3, 2009

4. “I like being here because it seems like here and in our last rally too — other parts around this great Northwest — here in New Hampshire you just get it.” –New Hampshire, Oct. 15, 2008

3. “They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.” — San Francisco, Oct. 5, 2008

2. “As for that VP talk all the time, I’ll tell you, I still can’t answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?” — CNBC July 2008

1. “Polls are for strippers and cross-country skiers” – Iowa Tea Party rally  Sept. 3, 2011

Truly she was the Republican joke of 2008. She brought a frightening level of political comedy to the American stage. And this is the tip of the Alaska iceberg for so many Sarah Palin Quotes. You can read haikus inspired by her run and life in the book: Palin Pearls: Political Haikus 2008-2011.

Sarah Palin Jokes

Funny Political Quotes by George W. Bush: Self made Bush Jokes

Here are my dirty dozen (12) favorite Bush Jokes, I mean quotes. A comedian could not create the vast array of funny political quotes that George Bush said. Truly some of these are the best Republican jokes around. A salute to the political comedy of the period 2000-2008.

12. “I couldn’t imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.” –at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001

11. “They misunderestimated me.” –Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

10. “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” –Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

9. “Do you have blacks, too?” –to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

8. “For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going to do something about it.” –Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001

7. “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.” –LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

6. “This is an impressive crowd — the haves and the have mores. Some people call you the elite — I call you my base.” –at the 2000 Al Smith dinner

5. “People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in’s house and say I love you.” –Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002

4a. “The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him.” –Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001

4b. “I don’t know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don’t care. It’s not that important. It’s not our priority.” –Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002

3. “I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we’re really talking about peace.” –Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002

2. “Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?” –Florence, South Carolina, Jan. 11, 2000

1. “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on –shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” –Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

Using Bush’s, and other funny political quotes, I turned them into modern political comedy using the haiku format.  Read them in my book here: BUSH HAIKUS: Simple Poems for a Simple Presidency.